Daily Clean Jokes

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

An elderly pastor, looking over his large congregation on Easter morning, startled them with this announcement: "My friends, realizing that I will not see many of you until next Easter, may I take this opportunity to wish all of you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year!" *-- Sermon Fodder*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes


9. Big tax write-off.

8. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

7. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled.

6. He gets a good deal from the local chickens.

5. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

4. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

3. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

2. Would you want to hunt for waffles?

1. Because the Energizer Rabbit got the good job.

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

The average person's idea of a good sermon is one that goes over their head - and hits one of their family members or neighbors.

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

*More "Worst Analogies Found in High School Papers"*

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

- She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature beef.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

- He was so deeply in love when she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

*Received from Laugh & Lift*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

The following were all found in notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school.

- Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

- Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

- Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

- Irving was absent this morning because he missed his bust.

- Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

- I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.

- Please excuse Harriet for missing school yesterday. We forget to get the Sunday paper off the porch. and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.