Daily Clean Jokes

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

*20 REAL NEWSPAPER HEADLINES*

1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case

5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

6. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

7. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

8. Clinton Wins Budget More Lies Ahead

9. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told

10. Miners Refuse to Work After Death

11. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

12. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

13. War Dims Hope for Peace

14. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

15. Couple Slain Police Suspect Homicide

16. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

17. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

18. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space

19. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

20. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery Hundreds Dead

*Received from Laugh & Lift*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

A friend of mine and his partner had just survived a night of the Army's tough Ranger school atop a freezing Georgia mountain. Fatigued from little sleep and even less food, they waited on the outskirts of a small mountain town for a signal to continue their maneuvers in the area.

A young boy, who was bored with waiting at a nearby school-bus stop, ventured to the edge of the woods. Apparently he was accustomed to the Rangers because he showed little surprise when he suddenly came face to face with the two camouflaged soldiers. The boy simply reached inside his jacket and pulled out his lunch sack.

"You'll need this worse than me," he said matter-of-factly. Then he trudged back to his bus stop leaving behind two grateful warriors.

*Received from Da Mouse Tracks*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

"The NYPD has announced they will no longer arrest people for petty crimes like littering, public drinking, and urination. Which means one thing -- Times Square is back, baby!" *-- Stephen Colbert*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

A carpenter had a neighbor that always borrowed his tools and never returned them.

One day frustrated with this he phoned him. "Could I put my table saw and drill press in your garage?" he inquired.

"Sure," his neighbor replied, " But why?"

"Just to have all my tools in one place." he retorted.

*Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle*

Joke stolen from: Daily Clean Jokes

"A recent study suggests that it is harder to concentrate in the winter. Said researchers, 'For example, this study was supposed to be about traffic accidents.'" *-- Seth Meyers*