Able2Laugh

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? The cold shoulder.

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.'

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

Shloyme Seltzer has become rich and wants to show off, so he orders his driver to drive him to this new exclusive golf club with his new Cadillac. Unfortunately a sign at the door unmistakably states that Jews are not permitted access. The driver wants to return home, but not Shloyme! Shloyme says: "Wait here for me." His driver responds: "But don't you see the sign? They'll kick you out immediately!" Shloyme says, "I don't have to tell them I'm Jewish." and he leaves for the gate. So the driver waits... One hour... two hours... three hours. After three and a half hours, Shloyme is kicked out by two body-builder type guardsmen. The driver asks: "What happened?" Shloyme says, "Everything was fine until we played hole number eight! Accidentally I shot my ball into one of these ponds. I shouted: 'Oh, my G-d, what'll I do now?' And then the waters separated and everybody knew..."

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds like the strings are still in the cat. -- Fred Allen