Able2Laugh

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

If you are guided by opinion polls, you are not practicing leadership - you are practicing followship. -- Margaret Thatcher

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

My photographs don't do me justice. They look just like me. -- Phyllis Diller

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues. "Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center. Johnny starts up with the balloon again after his mom has left for the store. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, a diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything. When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and !!POP!! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc. "Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks. He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"

Joke stolen from: Able2Laugh

Did you hear about the new douche they've made for women? It's made of Marijuana, Arrid Deodorant, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. It leaves you high, dry, and finger licking good!