Joke stolen from: Autojoker

Q. What is the difference between ignorance and indifference?

A. I don't know and I don't care.

My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce."

He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

Joke stolen from: Autojoker

One day, two men named Bill and Steve were taking a ride on their motorcycles.

All of a sudden, Bill lost control and hit a telephone pole, tearing off the left half of his body. He was immediately rushed to the hospital while Steve waited anxiously to hear if he would make it through.

After a long wait, the doctor came out and said to Steve, "He's all right now."

Joke stolen from: Autojoker

The story of my life...

After years of scrimping and saving, I told my wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."

"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.

"No," I said sadly, "a 1979 Cadillac."

Joke stolen from: Autojoker

There was a frog on a lily pad, in the middle of a pond, surrounded by alligators. He didn't want to be eaten, but he couldn't think of a way to get to edge of the pond without being gobbled up. Then, as he was about to give up, he looked up. Above him in a tree was an owl.

He called to the owl and asked, "Mr. Owl, I am stuck on a lily pad in the middle of this pond, surrounded by alligators. How can I get to the edge of the pond without being eaten?"

The owl looked down at the frog and said, "Well Mr. Frog, it is obvious. You should fly off your lily pad to the edge of the pond."

Hearing this, the frog began to flap his arms frantically. He then leaped into the air so as to fly to the edge of the pond. However, he instead fell right into the open mouth of a nearby alligator.

Just before the alligator closed his mouth, the frog shouted up to the owl in the tree, "Mr. Owl, didn't you know that frogs can't fly?"

The owl responded, "Sorry, I do concepts, not implementation."

Joke stolen from: Autojoker

In the great desert lived a band of nomads. Their leader, Benny, had risen to his rank due to his magnificent beard. His people believed a man's strength and courage came from his beard, and thus the man with the biggest beard was their chief.

After leading the band for many years, Benny began to feel uncomfortable wearing the beard, in this hot and dusty land. He wanted to shave it off, so he called his council together to get their advice. When he said he wanted to shave, the councilmen were shocked.

One said, "Do you not remember the ancient legend, Sire. The leader who removes his beard is cursed and made into a piece of earthenware."

Benny had heard this legend, but being a modern man, he scoffed at the tale. Being headstrong, he went ahead and cut and scraped away his once magnificent beard.

As the final whisker was cut off, a huge dust storm came up. It lasted only a few seconds, and when it cleared, there was a man-sized clay vessel where only moments before had stood their leader. The council then knew the legend must be true.

The Moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny Urned.