Best of Humor

Joke stolen from: Best of Humor

An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.

"Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."Yumti-Bi layed down and put his ear to the ground...

"Large Heap - war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black horses, two on white stallions. All have warpaint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them."Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???"No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate..."

Joke stolen from: Best of Humor

Every night, my wife calls me to dinner exactly the same way: "Dinner's on the table - come and guess it!"

Joke stolen from: Best of Humor

You do know the difference between a Fairy Tale and a Sea Story, don't you?

A Fairy Tale starts out "Once upon a time," while a Sea Story begins with, "Now, this is a 'no-shitter.'" Brotha Jim SWEARS on his mother's life that this is a "no-shitter." That it's true.

Jim plays golf down in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The course was built right next to a cemetery. One of the greens is right next to the fence that separates the golf course from the cemetery.

One afternoon, Jim was playing with a well-known loudmouth and they came up to that green.

Loudmouth had about a 50 foot putt to sink. He took out his putter and whacked the ball towards the hole.

It so just happens on the other side of the fence there was a funeral in process. Jim says, "Honest to God, that putt *almost* made it in about the time the pastor across the fence got done with the service. Loudmouth shouts - loud enough for the funeral to hear - 'Get in that damn hole, motherfucker!'"

Joke stolen from: Best of Humor

In order to reduce the amount of confusion that end users might have in identifying the role of certain files that they have on their hard drives, Windows 2000 now incorporates "smart" file extensions to aid end users in support and troubleshooting issues. Please consult this reference guide before calling Microsoft or any authorized Microsoft

Support Services vendor.

.god - Files developed by microsoft .crap - 3rd party files .porn - Adult image files on an umarried males computer .bible - Adult image files on a married males computer .easyaccess - Undocumented security flaws in Explorer, Outlook,and IIS .forsakendreams - Unfinished novels and short stories .lewinsky - Letters to your mistress .jackson - Information files on your illegitimate children .bush - New compression format that give you 1.6 Trillion times more disk space but may increase the amount of arsenic and CO that your computer produces .china - Files that will hold 24 other files hostage if any attempts are made to reference the operating system. .greenspan - New products that attempt to prevent overuse of the computer by dynamically adjusting the amount of memory your computer has available (adjusted quarterly).

Joke stolen from: Best of Humor

Chad went to a bar and ordered a drink. A few minutes, a beautiful blonde sat down next to him and started coming on to him. Soon she invited him back to her place. Overcome with excitement, Chad agreed. When they got to the bedroom, Chad exclaimed "Wow! A waterbed. I've never had sex on a waterbed before."Soon they were both naked and going at it. The blonde stopped him and said, "Before we go any further, don't you think you should put on some protection?"Good idea," he responded and got up. Chad walked out of the room, and when he came back, he was wearing a life preserver.