Bisonettes Chip Pile

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

John Elway, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Broncos flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, John," said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." John felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house.

On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a Green and Gold sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Packers logo flag, and in every window, a Cheesehead.

John looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won 2 Super Bowls, and I even went to the Hall of Fame."

God said "So what do you want to know, John?" "Well, why does Brett Favre get a better house than me?"

God chuckled, and said "John, that's not Brett Favre's house, it's mine."

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out... "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny Elvis Smith, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in the house!"

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

It's Harold's first day in the carpool. They honk the horn in front of his house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk when he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife's foot tapping on the porch.

He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the snatch, runs back down the walk and hops in the car.

They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett, the driver, can't stand it. Burnett asks, Harold, it's none of my business, but why'd you kiss her down there?

Harold says, You wouldn't believe her breath in the morning.

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

One hot July day we found this old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry site. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, and put her in a carrier and took her to the Vet. She had no name so we named her pussy cat. The Vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her.

My husband, the complainer said "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my hubby El Cheap-O, and my hubby calls him El Take-O.

The next day hubby had an appointment with his Doctor, which is located next door to the Vet. The Doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the Doctor.

The door opened and in popped the vet and announces to my hubby, "Your wife's pussy is finally shaved and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I think she is pregnant. God knows who the father is"

How can you find Ronald McDonald at a nude beach? He's the one with the sesame seed buns!

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

There was this $20 dollar bill and a $1 dollar bill on the conveyor belt at the downtown Federal Reserve Building. As they were laying there side by side the $1 dollar bill said to the $20 dollar bill, "Hey mannnnnn, where have you been. I haven't seen you in a long time ?"

The $20 dollar bill replied, "Man I have been having a ball!! I been traveling to distant countries, going to the finest restaurants, to the biggest and best casinos, numerous boutiques, the mall uptown, the mall downtown, the mall across town and even a mall that I just newly built. In fact, just this week I've been to Europe, a professional NBA game, Rodeo Drive, the all day retreat spa,, the top-notch hair salon and the new casino!! I have done it all!!! "

After describing his great travels, the $20 dollar bill asked the $1 dollar bill, " What about you? Where have you been?" The $1 dollar replied, "Well, I've been to the Baptist church, the Methodist church, the Presbyterian church, the Episcopalian church, the Church of God in Christ, the Catholic church, the Mormon church, the church of the Latter Day Saints, the A.M.E. church, the Disciple of Christ church, the..."

"WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE!!", shouted the $20 dollar bill to the $1 dollar bill. "What's a church??"