Bisonettes Chip Pile

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

HOW I USED MY NEW BOX OF SHELLS

Shot # 1 Missed target completely at 100 yards. Rifle needed sighted in.

Shot # 2 Hit target in lower right-hand corner--from 10 yards.

Shot # 3 Bull's-eye--after getting rifle back from gunsmith who sighted it in.

Shot # 4 Accidentally pulled trigger while loading rifle in vehicle, will repair transmission when I get home.

Shot # 5 Fired into air to signal start of drive. Fined $200 by game warden for killing a turkey.

Shot # 6 The excitement of seeing my first deer caused me to fire before rifle was to my shoulder-- I only had to replace left boot.

Shot # 7 Missed deer completely, not so sure about cow across the field.

Shot # 8 To clean mud from barrel after falling over cliff while being chased by farmer. Now I'm sure about cow.

Shot # 9 Slipped and fell while crossing stream. Buddy says I'll have to replace his hunting cap and also pay for having his underwear washed.

Shot # 10 Forgot can opener. Opened a can of pork and beans. The few beans that were left tasted too much like gunpowder to eat them.

Shot # 11 Shot too low at deer, glanced off rock and wounded a chipmunk.

Shot # 12 Finished off wounded chipmunk.

Shot # 13 Checked scope again, hit big bucket hanging on pole. Hope people get electricity back soon.

Shot # 14 At deer moving through brush, I'd never heard some of the words that it used.

Shot # 15 To check scope again after being hit on the head with my own rifle.

Shot # 16 Knocked buck down but didn't go to claim it when game warden tried to arrest a nearby hunter for killing a doe.

Shot # 17 Gun accidentally fired while dragging it under fence. Have to replace right boot now.

Shot # 18 Won a $1.00 bet from buddy who said I couldn't hit a junked car on other hill. Hot radiators sure do make a lot of steam.

Shot # 19 Killed running buck with 3-inch spike at 625 yards. It takes skill to be a good hunter.

Shot # 20 Save till I get home and use it on a mouse in my pantry.

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

There are some days when you're better off to just stay in bed and that's the case for today's bozos from the International File. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for sending this one in from Rothsay, Scotland where three bozos were on their way to attempt to rob the local branch of the Bank of Scotland. Their problems began at the front door, which they had trouble negotiating. In a scene that sounds as though it should have come from an old Three Stooges episode, the three somehow managed to get themselves stuck in the revolving doors and had to be freed by bank staff. At this point they sheepishly left the building to regroup.

They then entered the bank a second time, getting past the doors and going straight for the teller, who recognized them and just laughed when they demanded money. To show her he meant business, one of the bozos jumped onto the counter but slipped and fell to the floor, clutching his badly sprained ankle.

Seeing that things were going downhill fast, the other two bozos headed for the door. Yes, that door. And yes, they got stuck in it again. And they succeeded in remaining stuck there until the police arrived.

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

Q. What's the difference between a motorcycle and a newborn baby? A. If the motorcycle is black, you can still show it to your parents.

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

A teenager from the Netherlands has ended up a reluctant star after he forgot to switch off his new webcam, and accidentally sent live images of him and his girlfriend having sex to his web page. An opportunist spotted the page, captured the pics, and in hours the images were being beamed across the Atlantic. Dad is not impressed.

The 17-year old boy, whose name is not known, comes from the Dutch town of Harderwijk, and the last thing he imagined was the notoriety he has now gained. Last Sunday he hooked up his new webcam to the computer in his room for the first time, and instantly got a feed going to his web site.

He started out filming his cat, and proudly showed the results to his father, who warned him to be careful with the camera. The warning fell on deaf ears, for the lad invited his 17-year old girlfriend round for a bit of fun. She was obviously pretty impressed by his newly-acquired, er, equipment, and the two set about getting all nasty and sweaty, completely forgetting to switch off the webcam.

Live images of the two having sex were transmitted to the boys' web site. They shouldn't have been seen under normal circumstances, since it was just a personal homepage, but luck was not on the youngsters side. A weblogger known as Jasper, or Mr Green, happened to be visiting the page and spotted the live feed. He made screenshots of the pictures and put them up on his web site the following day. His weblog read: "Well, don't leave your camera on if you don't want this to happen."

Within hours a number of web sites had linked to the pictures, and peals of laughter were beginning to be heard all over the Web.

The boys' father is reportedly livid about the affair. "My son has been a fool, he realises this. I warned him," the father said. He went on to explain that his son is not an exhibitionist, and that the webcam had been taken away. His biggest headache is that the parents of the girlfriend are as yet unaware of the whole incident.

Reactions to the pictures have started appearing on the forums of web sites carrying the pictures. The first foreign reaction came from a person called Gino in Boston, who posted this message to a forum on Retecool, a Dutch web site:

"Wow, I don't know what the language is, but the link circulated in my office today, here in Boston. Is this guy famous in Holland?"

If not, he soon will be.

Click here to see the unfortunate lads' pictures. http://www.retecool.com/webcamlessons/index.html

Joke stolen from: Bisonettes Chip Pile

"One of the best things about living in a bachelor pad is when female visitors use the bathroom. I love telling them 'Make sure you put the seat back up when you're done'." -- David M. Muench

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