Joke stolen from: Bizarre News

The Devil (or a shitload of drugs) Made Me Do It

A Stamford, Connecticut chapel was the site of a bizarre crime this week, when police said a naked woman broke through a window and started smashing down doors and walls. "Yesterday was my first anniversary here!" said the Rev. Carlos Rodrigues, "What a gift, right?" The naked woman was seen wildly swinging a fire extinguisher in the basement chapel of the Rectory of the church of St. Clement. "She was like a human tornado - just ripped through the place very fast!" Rodrigues said. Stamford police said Celina Kelly, 32, was high on drugs when she broke a window to gain access to the chapel. Marks were left on the door, which police said she broke down with the fire extinguisher. Kelly went on to kick and punch holes in the drywall of the boiler room behind the chapel, police said. Rodrigues said the suspect was apparently looking for something. "A bomb - she kept saying: 'Where the F is the bomb? The bomb, the bomb!'" he said. As luck would have it, a Stamford police officer drove through the church parking lot on routine targeted patrol just as it all unfolded. Police said Kelly has no fixed address. She is charged with burglary and criminal mischief.