Joke stolen from: Bizarre News

An Arizona woman who suspected her boyfriend was having an affair shot him seven times while he slept at a Scottsdale home, according to a court document. Miraculously, the man survived. The victim said he woke up believing he had heard fireworks before feeling excruciating pain and realizing he had been shot. He was rushed to the hospital with a gunshot wound to his penis, two gunshot wounds to his scrotum and gunshot wounds to his neck, upper back and left thigh. Della Flores, 53, was arrested and booked into jail on one count of first-degree attempted murder and one count of aggravated assault. On the plus side, he's now single again.