Bob Brock

Joke stolen from: Bob Brock


Since "I'd Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Labotomy," here's a Bakers' Dozen additional song titles from what may well be the Country Music Hall of Shame.

"Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord?" "Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreen's and I Cried All the Way to Sears" "Don't Chop Any Wood, Mother, I'm Coming Home With a Load" "Drop Kick Me Jesus Thru the Goal Posts of Life" (A particular favorite of Texan "Dandy Don" Meredith when he was a commentator on ABC's "Monday Night Football'." Another fave of Don's: "God Didn't Make Honkey Tonk Angels".) "Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms" "How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?" "I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone Than Another Night With You" "I Wouldn't Take Her to a Dog Fight, 'Cause I'm 'Fraid She'd Win" "If Fingerprints Showed Up on Skin, I Wonder Whose I'd Find on You?" "If I Can't Be Number One in Your Life, Then Number Two on You!" "If I'd Killed You When I Wanted to, I'd Be Out of Jail By Now" "If I Had it to Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You" "Last Night I Went to Bed With a '10,' and Woke Up This Morning With a '2'"

Joke stolen from: Bob Brock


I'm certain you've heard some of the classic country songs -- "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed, " "I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself Or Go Bowling," "I Flushed You From the Toilets Of My Heart," "Mama Get the Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)," "I Would Have Wrote You a Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck," "If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go and Find Someone Else Who Will," or "If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You" -- but there are hundreds of others that haven't made it too far up the country music charts. See how many of these two dozen titles are familiar.

"All I Want from You (Is Away)" "All the Guys/Gals That Turn Me On Turn Me Down" "Am I Double-Parked By the Curbstone of Your Heart?" "Are You Drinkin' With Me Jesus" (Sample lyrics: "Does Your head pound, Jesus; as hungover do You rise? How does Paradise look Jesus; through holy bloodshot eyes? Should we take a cab home, Jesus? Aw, Man, we can hoof it from here. I know You can walk on water; but can You walk on that much beer?") "At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump" "Did I Shave My Legs for This?" "Don't Give Me a Plastic Saddle ('Cuz I Want to Feel the Leather When I Ride)" "Don't Squeeze My Sharmon" "Don't Strike a Match (To the Book of Love)" "Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat" "Get Off the Table, Mabel (That Two Dollars is for Beer)" "Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart" "Hand Me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance" "How Can I Get Over You (If You Don't Get Out from Under Me?)" "I Bought the Shoes That Walked Out on Me" "I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him and He Fell for Me" "I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me" "I Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me With a Spade" "I Got the Hungries for Your Love (an' I'm Waitin' in Your Welfare Line)" "I May Be Used Baby, but I Ain't Used Up" "I Sent Her Artificial Flowers for Her Artificial Heart" "I Still Miss You, Baby . . . But My Aim is Gettin' Better" "I Want a Beer As Cold As My Ex-Wife's Heart" "I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me"