Bree

Joke stolen from: Bree

Conversation with Jesus Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka and cranberry along with a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?" And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather." I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad". I was starting to feel better, but I still had a few burning questions, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, " What is the meaning of life? Why am I here?" He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor , but for now, I have to finish your lawn."

Joke stolen from: Bree

Little Maury's English class had been reading Shakespeare, so the old professor asked him, "Can you tell me what a goblet is?" Silence. "What's the problem?" prompted the old professor. "Can't you even make a guess?" "I'm not sure, Professor," said little Maury. "Is it a little goblin?"

Joke stolen from: Bree

Two businessmen in Atlanta are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store .. as yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few shelves are set up. One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling." No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious fellow from Alabama walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?" One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here." Without skipping a beat, the Bama fellow says, "Well, I see y'all're doing really good, you only got two left!"

Joke stolen from: Bree

I asked the children during story time at church if any of them knew what a saint was. They were silent. "Do you know anything at all about saints?" I asked again. One lad tentatively raised his hand. "Yes, Billy?" I asked. "Well," he offered, "they go marching in."

Joke stolen from: Bree

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive. It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?" He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it." "Where shall I put it to get it warm?" He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there. "But what about the smell?" "Just hold its nose." The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with, died at the scene.