Bree's Balderdash

Joke stolen from: Bree's Balderdash

One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off. The fence was at the end of the base runway. When I got to the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away. Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-address system and announced loudly, "Attention to the airman at the end of the runway. You are cleared for takeoff." (There's one in every crowd, isn't there?? heehee)

Joke stolen from: Bree's Balderdash

It was raining quite hard as Marine trainees assembled outdoors for a briefing. On a blackboard, the lieutenant instructor had prepared a detailed drawing of the tactics he wanted practiced. "Don't think we're going to call this off just because of a little rain," he said. Then he turned to the blackboard which had been washed clean.

Joke stolen from: Bree's Balderdash

I was stationed at Myrtle Beach, S.C., I spent my spare time fishing in the backwaters of the Intercoastal Waterway. Soon I became a guide of sorts for some senior noncommissioned officers. Once, a chief master sergeant hooked a 20-pound striped bass. After he reeled the fish onto the boat, he slipped the hook out of its mouth and released it back into the water. He must have noticed the puzzled look on my face. "Rank does have its privileges. I can't keep a fish that has more stripes than I do," he explained. (*I* would....wooohooo!!)

Joke stolen from: Bree's Balderdash

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 2, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, "They can bust me, they can fine me - but they can't take away my birthday." As July 2 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 1, he happily repeated, "They can bust me, they can fine me - but they can't take away my birthday." The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line - and it was July 3.

Joke stolen from: Bree's Balderdash

An elderly couple stood near me in the supermarket's produce section. The man picked up a bunch of bananas and said to his wife, "These are nice. How about some banana-nut bread?" I glanced at his spouse and felt sorry for her. She looked tired and, I presumed, not willing to do any baking.

My sympathy vanished, however, when she snapped at him, "I'm sick of banana-nut bread, Joe! Can't you make something else?"