cc:Jokes

Joke stolen from: cc:Jokes

Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress.

"You'll never get away with this," she cried. "Some brave knight will rescue me!"

"Not in that thing," the evil king replied.

She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I've mentioned, was very disgusting.

After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her, "You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"

Joke stolen from: cc:Jokes

A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins.

One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."

"He was smoking in the mixing room ?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"

"About 20 years, sir"

"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."

"It was, sir."

Joke stolen from: cc:Jokes

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3 am.

The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, "Take this broom and sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor began to pick up the broom and commence performing his charge. As he began to sweep, a tern landed on the broom handle. The sailor yelled at the bird to leave, but it didn't. The lad picked the tern off the broom handle, giving the bird a toss. The bird left, only to return and light once again on the broom handle. The sailor went through the same routine all over again, with the same result. He couldn't get any cleaning done because he can only sweep at the chain once or twice before the blasted bird returns.

When morning came, so did the chief petty officer, to check up on his wayward sailor.

"What in the heck have you been doing all night? This chain is no cleaner than when you started! What have you to say for yourself, sailor?" barked the chief.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

Joke stolen from: cc:Jokes

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt uneasy, not knowing about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials.

"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."

Joke stolen from: cc:Jokes

A man wanted to determine if both his wife and mistress were faithful to him. So he decided to send them on the same cruise, then later question each one on the other's behavior.

When his wife returned, he asked her about the people on the trip in general, then casually asked her about the specific behavior of the passenger he knew to be his mistress. "She slept with nearly every man on the ship," his wife reported.

The disheartened man then rendezvoused with his cheating mistress to ask her the same questions about his wife.

"She was a real lady," his mistress said.

"How so?" the encouraged man asked.

"She came on board with her husband and never left his side."