Joke stolen from: CheezZine

Residents in the town of Karlovac, Croation apparently have little sense of humor. They awoke the other morning to find that someone had erected (pardon the pun) a 17-foot penis in the town square. Police were flooded with calls, but at least they had a sense of humor and decided to let the giant Johnson melt naturally. - Ananova

Joke stolen from: CheezZine

I've said it before... Quentin Tarantino is a weirdo. One of those weirdoes you probably wouldn't want to be alone with, especially with alcohol available. Anyway... The eclectic director is miffed because producers didn't call him about directing the newest Bond flick, Casino Royale. Tarantino claims the remake was his idea, and it should only be a courtesy to want him to direct it. He was hoping the producers would "go my way and do it a little differently", while maintaining he could still be trusted with the decades-old series. Apparently the producers had actually seen some of his movies. Contact Music

Joke stolen from: CheezZine

A man was on a safari deep, deep in the jungle when he suddenly found himself surrounded by fierce-looking natives! As they moved closer, he remembered an old trick he saw in a movie.

Quickly, pulling out his Bic lighter, he flicked the flame towards the leader of the natives.

Astonished, the leader jumped back several feet and gasped, "Wow! That's incredible!"

"You'd better believe it's incredible," said the man, all the while waving the flame at him.

"It certainly is," says the leader. I can't remember the last time I saw a lighter that worked the first time you flicked it!"

Joke stolen from: CheezZine

Watching from the Club house overlooking the 10th green, we saw a foursome approaching. Having marked their balls, suddenly one of the guys fell down and the three others started a fist fight.

The Golf Captain stormed out from the Club house to separate the fighting men. "Why are you fighting?" he asked.

"You see," said one of them, "my partner just had a stroke and now these assholes want to count it on the scorecard."

Joke stolen from: CheezZine

I called UPS about an insurance claim I had filed on a package.

I knew the automated voice response system wouldn't be able to handle this issue so I immediately said, "customer service."

It did a little beep-boop-bop computing noise, and then insisted that I first pick from its menu, none of which items bore any resemblance to insurance claims. I tried "track a package." It recited the status, followed by "Can I help you with anything else?" I said, more insistently, "customer service," at which it complained that that was the most recent shipping information.

Exasperated--but a bit curious--I said, "Damn you," and after the little computing noise, it swiftly transferred me to customer service.