Chucklebuns

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

I had volunteered to help my attractive blonde and single cousin with moving to a new town house. Lookjing at her, i should have realized that she'd have more than enough help so emptying her apartment and loadng the truck went fast. But several of us had been dropped off so the cab of the of our rented six-meter long, rented, moving truck was crowded. - Too crowded as there was no room left for my cousin's enormous, black, Great Dane in the cab . . So, laughing, we put him in the driver's seat of the pickup we were towing. - Once on the road, there was a sudden eruption of noise. We looked back to see the Dane's huge paws resting on the horn while he howled in protest. - As we were about to pull over, another car came alongside. the driver rolled down his window and hollered, - "Hey, lady! .... Why don't you let him pass?"

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

One of the ladies I met in a Ft. Lauderdale den of inequity one night, shortly after I moved there from Chicago, showed me a picture of a sea shell that was tattooed on her inner thigh. She was trying to convince me that If I put my ear next to it, I could smell the seaweed from the beach....

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

Church Bulletin Bloopers 2006 * Several members who have been in the hospital are not on their way to recovery, for which we are thankful. * The Jack and Kill Daycare is looking for someone to help part time on Saturdays. * We'll kick off the Christmas season this morning with our first hymn, "The First Nowell" * Our Wednesday Night Family Cafeteria meal will feature a variety of Chinese dishes including One Ton Soup. * Events: December 9th, Christmas Caroling at the Parkview Nursing Home 7:00 p.m., December 10th, Breakfast with Satan 6:00 to 9:00 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall. * Saturday the Youth Group will Serenade a number of our Seniors with Christmas Thongs. * Last Saturday the Men's Group had a great fellowship that included good conversation and delicious coffee. Special thanks to Kate Michels for providing teats. * The Youth Group had a scavenger hunt, did face painting, and played a game called, "Find the gun." They had a great time. * The Pastor's Corner: A Personal Massage from Jesus. * Don't forget to make some New Year's Resolutions. It's a great way to start off with a new ear. * Due to Construction on the North side of the parking lot, we will soon be changing entrances. Please exit the new driveway which is the one in between the old entrance and the old exit. Please exit from the new exit which is the old entrance. * What are you doing for Lunch Tuesday? Local Funeral Director Barry Gilbert will talk about the benefits of cremation. * The Riegieman Chiropractic Center will host Kid's Day this Saturday. They'll be treating the youth group to spinal exams, backpack checks, I.D. Cards, etc.

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

Saint Peter says, "You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?" Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?" Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!" The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso asks, "Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?" Saint Peter says, "Go ahead." Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!" Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?" George W looks bewildered and says, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?" Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

The Top 12 Stupid FDA Warning Labels 12. Cell phones: "Phone should always be in the off position before being lodged up your ass by the angry motorist you just rear-ended." 11. Jaegermeister: "What can you possibly be thinking?" 10. Viagra: "Just remember, chump, you're STILL fat, bald and ugly!" 9. The Clapper: "Use of this product near a construction site is not recommended." 8. Pineapple: "Not to be inserted rectally. No, seriously -- it's not a good idea." 7. Rogaine: "Excessive use may result in a career as a boxing promoter." 6. Zima: "Merely holding this bottle is obliterating your already-remote prospects of getting laid." 5. Raquel Welch: "Contents may have settled." 4. Windows2000: "May cause unpredictable behavior and loss or corruption of d$@@NQ t!"z +~]]J; FATAL EX&~d" 3. Whitman Sampler: "Caution - you never know what you're gonna git." 2. El Presidente Cigars: "Should only be enjoyed orally." 1. Prozac: "Whatever"