Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

We've all been lost and depended on our wives to act as navigator.

Well, not long ago, Mrs. Jim Jr., her face buried in a map book, said "Turn here!" I did, and didn't notice the "No Left Turn" sign.

Just my luck, a policeman was nearby and stopped me. I tried to explain that we were lost and I was following my wife's directions.

He issued me a ticket for "Driving Under the Influence of Wife."

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

A nun went to the package store and told the owner she wanted to buy a big bottle of Brandy. The owner tried to discourage her by telling her he was concerned about her being in the package store in the first place for the image it presented for a woman of the cloth. She said it was perfectly fine, that the Brandy was for Mother Superior's constipation. So, the sale was made and the nun left the store. About an hour later the owner looked out the window to see the nun swinging around the telephone pole, laughing and giggling and acting like a six-year old. He went out and tried to stop her and told her that she had told him the Brandy was for Mother Superior's constipation. The laughing nun said, "yeppppp.............and when she sees me, she'll shit............".

Joke stolen from: Chucklebuns

Farmer Jones was working the field about a mile south of his barn when his tractor broke down. It was a simple repair job, but he had no tools with him. It was a long way back to the barn, and there was a house only a couple hundred yards the other direction.

So he walked down to the house to see if he could borrow some tools. As he neared the house, he noticed a bunch of black children playing basketball in the front yard.

He knocked on the door and an old black woman came to the door and asked, "Can I hep you , suh?" He said in a southern drawl, "Yes'm I'm farmer Jones from up the road, and I wuz wonderin' if you had a monkey wrench here?" Looking puzzled, she replied, "Naw Suh! Dis' ain't no monkey ranch, dis' a daycare center!"