Clean laffs

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"The FDA is warning New Yorkers about Chinese food after a major Brooklyn distributor was found with rats and birds nesting in boxes of ingredients. The distributor says it's all a misunderstanding - those ARE the ingredients." -Seth Meyers

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"The Wall Street Journal reported that America has a surplus of cheese and that every person in the country would have to eat an extra three pounds of cheese this year to get rid of it. So the next time the pizza guy judges you for ordering extra cheese, just say, 'I'm doing this for America.'" -Jimmy Fallon

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

One evening after dinner, a five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?"

His father told him, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?"

The man had always given my son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime.

Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"The electronics company LG identified a new phenomenon called low-battery anxiety. People become nervous, distracted, and frustrated when their phones are about to die. If you are not familiar with low-battery anxiety, it's a real condition that primarily affects people with no actual problems." -James Corden

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"A new study reports that older women are doing more and more binge drinking. I asked my mom if that was true and she said, 'I love you, man.'" -Conan O'Brien