Clean laffs

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'

When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.

"Just where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I said.

She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: "Thanks for putting up with me. So long."

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"Researchers say much of Florida could be underwater by the end of the century. On the bright side, they say it could happen much sooner." -Conan O'Brien

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"The U.S. Surgeon General released a statement this week that said more Americans should start going on walks. Then to everyone's surprise, he added, 'Even if you're just going out to have a smoke. Just stand up for once.'" -Jimmy Fallon

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"It's the first day of spring, so congratulations to the people of Nebraska, who survived winter. Now all you've got to do is get through severe thunderstorm and tornado season." -James Corden

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"Amazon Prime has made it possible to have beer and wine delivered to your home by Alexa. All you have to do is say the phrase, 'Alexa, Daddy's sad.'" -Conan O'Brien