Clean laffs

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"A Canadian woman last week proposed to her boyfriend at a hockey game with a bouquet of Doritos made to look like roses. It even spawned a new flavor - Nacho Boyfriend Anymore." -Seth Meyers

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

A man is sitting in a fancy restaurant when his food finally arrives at his table. As the plate is being served the man notices the waiter has his thumb resting on the edge of his steak.

"Umm, excuse me," the man says, "but I couldn't help but notice you had your thumb on my steak."

"Yes, I know, sir," the waiter responds, "but I didn't want to drop it again."

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"A new study reveals Americans are getting fatter and giving up on their diets. The study was conducted by going to a water park for five minutes." -Conan O'Brien

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence with two words. Ten years go by and it's one monk's first chance to speak. He thinks for a while before saying, "Food bad."

Ten years later, he says, "Bed hard."

A decade later and it's the big day again. He gives the head monk a long stare and finally says, "I quit."

"I'm not surprised," the head monk says. "You've been complaining ever since you got here."

Joke stolen from: Clean laffs

"Boston Medical Center found that 15 percent of 2-year-olds in the Boston area drink as much as 4 ounces of coffee a day. The parents claim they give the kids coffee only when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover." -Jimmy Kimmel