Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

Joke stolen from: Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

A woman in Israel is suing a TV station and its weatherman for $1,000 after he predicted a sunny day and it rained. The woman claims the forecast caused her to leave home lightly dressed. As a result, she caught the flu, missed 4 days of work, spent $38 on medication and suffered stress.

(Source: CALA http://www.cala.com) {Gimme a break, lady!}

Joke stolen from: Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

A minister and his wife sued a guide-dog school for $160,000 after a blind man learning to use a seeing-eye dog trod on the woman's toes in a shopping mall. Southeastern Guide Dogs Inc., a 13-year old guide-dog school and the only one of its kind in the Southeast, raises and trains seeing-eye dogs at no cost to the visually impaired. The school is located about 35 miles south of Tampa. The lawsuit was brought by Carolyn

Christian and her husband, the Rev. William Christian. Each sought $80,000. The couple filed suit 13 months after Ms Christian's toe was stepped on and reportedly broken by a blind man who was learning to use his new guide dog, Freddy, under the supervision of an instructor. They were practicing at a shopping mall. According to witnesses, Ms Christian made no effort to get out of the blind man's way because she "wanted to see if the dog would walk around me". (Source: ATRA http://www.atra.org and Houston Chronicle, 95-10-27) {Sometimes you get what you darn well asked for!}

Joke stolen from: Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

A woman was treated by a psychiatrist from March to November 1986, became romantically involved with him, and subsequently married him in October of 1989. After more than five years of marriage they divorced in 1995, at which time the woman sued her ex-husband for psychiatric malpractice and negligence claiming that the romantic or sexual relationship between them started before the formal psychiatric treatment

ended. She contended that her ex-husband had breached the standard of care as a psychiatrist by becoming romantically involved with her, and sought general, special and punitive damages. (Source: CALA http://www.cala.com) {Yeah, I'd say her treatment is not complete - she's crazy!}

Joke stolen from: Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

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A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his girlfriend on not one but two occasions, he noticed that his erection was still at its full glory.

Having struggled to sleep through the night he woke up to find his boner still standing proud, but due to him worrying about the police finding out about his possession, and indeed the use of an illegal substance, he decided against visiting his doctor.

However after three days of enduring headaches and nausea, caused by the constant trouser swelling, he went to the hospital in search of help. He was admitted immediately and referred to a specialist who diagnosed lack of oxygen to vital bloodstreams in his body, as the cause of his sickness.

He was given numerous drugs and antibiotics to combat the swelling, but shortly afterwards developed blood clots in various parts of his body with gangrene setting in. As a result he lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis. {Dummy!)

Joke stolen from: Comedy Ezine - Zany Tidbits

You may want to grit your teeth before you read this. This is really gruesome... {It is a little worse than the first one!} When a mate was studying in Ireland, he took up rugby. As his first season wore on, he and the lads were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play.

Considering that they weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, they decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing their way.

They didn't, and to make matters worse their star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so they all stood back to allow the medic to, in one swift movement, slot the hip back into its socket.

Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To their horror, they realized that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, he also managed to rip a vocal chord with his screaming. {Ouch!!}