Comic Corners

Joke stolen from: Comic Corners

A man went to visit his doctor and said, "Doctor, my arm hurts bad." He pleaded, "Can you check it out please?"

The doctor rolled up the man's sleeve and suddenly heard the arm talk.

"Hello Doctor," said the arm, "could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate."

The doctor said, "Aha! I see the problem!!!"

"What is it?" asked the man.

"It appears," explained the doctor, "that your arm is broke!"

Joke stolen from: Comic Corners

Jimmie, an 80-year-old gentleman, retired to Florida after his wife of 58 years had passed away. He was quite alone in the world and longed for companionship. One day, as he was walking through a public park, he spied what he considered to be a very pretty silver-haired lady sitting alone on a park bench. Getting his nerve up, he approached the lady and asked graciously, "Pardon me, ma'am, but may I sit here with you."

The silver-haired Marcia looked up to see a distinguished looking white-haired gentleman and replied, "Why certainly," and scooted over gently to give him room to sit down.

For the next two hours the two sat and talked about everything. They discovered that they came from the same part of the country, liked the same big band music, voted for the same presidential candidates, had long happy marriages and lost their spouses in the last year, and in general agreed about almost everything.

Finally, the old gentleman cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Ma' am, may I ask you two questions?"

With great anticipation Marcia replied, "Why certainly!"

The old gentleman removed a handkerchief from his coat pocket and spread it out on the ground before her. He very gingerly got down on one knee and looked her softly in the eyes.

"Marcia, I know we've only known each other for a couple of hours, but we have so much in common. I feel I have known you all my life. Will you marry me and be my wife?"

Marcia grabbed at Jimmie's hands and said, "Why, yes, I will marry you! You have made me so very happy!"

She reached over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Then Marcia said, "You said you had two questions to ask me. What is the second question?"

Jimmie scratched his neck and said, "Will you help me get up?"

Joke stolen from: Comic Corners

Q: What did Kermit the Frog say when Jim Henson died? A: Nothing.

Joke stolen from: Comic Corners

Once a doctor performed a surgery on a woman who was about eighty years old. She came through with flying colors.

The doctor came into her room and told her she should start immediately to walk ten minutes a day. She said, "I can't do it!" He said, "I'm not taking no for an answer!" So she walked ten minutes a day for a few days. Then he told her she had to walk fifteen minutes a day. She said, "I can't do it!" He said, "I'm not taking no for an answer." Then it was thirty minutes. Finally she was all over the hospital, barging in rooms, bothering everyone. She was walking everywhere! The doctor released her.

Her family called and said, "Thanks for your miracle work! " He said, "Nothing to it. It was a simple surgery. No problem at all. There really isn't anything to marvel at."

"You don't understand," they said, "It isn't the surgery we are marveling at. It's the walking. She hasn't walked in ten years. "

Joke stolen from: Comic Corners

A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path. "Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!"

She walked on and another duck, with shit all over it, crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem. "Now I've had it!" She whined. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she acted like a Florence Nightingale and tended the duck.

She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress.

"Yes?" she replied.

"Do you have a Kleenex?"

"No, not anymore," she answered.

"Too bad. I guess I'll just have to use another duck."