Daily Nooner

Joke stolen from: Daily Nooner

This guy has been married for about 6 months when he runs into a guy from his wedding party. The guy asked him how married life was treating him.

The married guy replied, "Great except for one problem, our sex life. Every time I am getting off, she isn't, and every time she is, I'm not. We are frustrated because we heard it is so much better when you get off at the same time."

The guy from the wedding party replied, "There is a simple solution to that. the next time you are and she's not, give her a little jab in the stomach. For some reason that makes women get off."

Even though it was against his better judgement, the married man promised to try it, and the two parted their ways.

About 3 months later, by chance they met up again, and of course the guy is eager to find out that had happened. He replied, "Hey, is everything better on the home front?"

The married man replied, "Not exactly!!! I did exactly as you told me to. I was getting ready to get off, so I punched her in the stomach. She pissed in my face and almost bit my dick off!"

Joke stolen from: Daily Nooner

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands directly next to the barber chair, While her dad gets his haircut, eating her snack cake.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie."

She says, "I know. I'm gonna get boobs too..."