Dave

Joke stolen from: Dave

I ran into an old friend the other day. Friend may be a little strong, more of an acquaintance. He was always too intentionally annoying to be a friend. He used to ask people to say something intelligent, and no matter what the reply was, he'd say one of two things. If he liked what you said, he'd say, "That's what I always say. Great minds think alike." If he didn't like what you said, he'd smart off, "Is that the best you got. Don't give up your day job."

He hasn't outgrown that habit yet. After saying hello, he said,"Say something intelligent." So I replied, "That's what I was going to say." He replied, "Great minds think alike."

I countered, "Great minds think for themselves," and walked away.

Joke stolen from: Dave

Being rather bald, I comfort myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening gambit. "Grass doesn't grow on a busy street."

However, I was not prepared for the joke of one barber: "We always say there's no sense in putting a roof on an empty barn."

Joke stolen from: Dave

In Memphis, Tennessee restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises.

Joke stolen from: Dave

How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?

It is the one with the kickstand.

Joke stolen from: Dave

Also in Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists."