Ethnic Jokes

Joke stolen from: Ethnic Jokes

A moment or two after a highway accident, an old Jewish man came up to a woman lying by the roadside. "Have the police come yet?" the man asked.

"No," the woman moaned.

"Has the ambulance been here yet?"

"No," the injured woman repeated.

"How about the insurance company?"

"No."

"Listen," the Jewish man said, bending down. "Do you mind if I lay down next to you?"

Joke stolen from: Ethnic Jokes

"Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement - we don't eat for one day and all of our sins are forgiven. One day! What is Lent, forty days? Forty days versus one day? Even in sin you're paying retail! And it's actually sun up to sun down, not even a full day. Most of us go, 'Fuck it, it's cloudy, I'm having a sandwich'." - Jon Stewart

Joke stolen from: Ethnic Jokes

An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "How do we get there?"

"Shucks, don't you still have them big red trucks?"

Joke stolen from: Ethnic Jokes

A pilot sparked a response from emergency crews after pulling off a Canadian airport runway to urinate. The man had touched down at Calgary International and was so desperate for the toilet that he drove his Cessna light aircraft onto the grass. After relieving himself in front of responding fire and ambulance crews, he taxied to a private terminal where he was met by police. Officers discovered the pilot had delivered his daughter and fiance to the airport so they could catch a holiday flight. Constable Jack Leyung told the Calgary Sun: "Landing with a full bladder and unable to wait until he could taxi into a terminal, he pulled off onto the grass of the runway, climbed out of his plane, and relieved himself."

Joke stolen from: Ethnic Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? A: The hooker stops screwing you when you're dead.