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Signs You Might Be a Frog

You get mad when you don't find a fly in your soup.

You buy out the supply of wart removal cream in your drugstore constantly.

French chefs are eyeing your legs and appear to be following you

Bug lamps appear to you as a curse.

On applications, you list 'Pond' as your home address.

Kermit is your idol.

You get mad whenever Miss Piggy makes a pass at Kermit.

Have seen the movie 'The Fly' at least ten times

You live in fear that someday you will wind up in a child's aquarium.

France is the evil empire to you.

You think that you blend into any background.

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Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

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When I was about 7 years old (seems so far away) we lived with my grandparents, they had cows and chickens and the like, well one day as we were all out at the barn doing what needed to be done, I being an eplorative little girl (hehe) got in a toe sack (feed sack), the old burlap kind, and proceeded to hop around under the barn while everyone else was working. We had a bull, just a young one mind you, his horns had just started to grow, they were about an inch or so long, now this bull was more like a pet, he loved to be around people, but he didnt like his eyes to be covered as I soon found out. I decided (and Lord only knows why) to take my feed sack and put it over his horns as I was standing facing him, he let out a bellor, rared his head up, my feet came out from under me, I hit the ground, he started jumping, thank goodness, all I got out of this ordeal was cow poop from one end to the other, he turned me every which way but loose, but needless to say I never did that again...I am a very quick learner, especially with a mouth full of cow poop....thanks..... Penny W

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We were sorting hogs one day, trying to make up a truck load to take to the stockyards. There was a hole cut into the fence separating the hog pen from the cattle yard, which allowed the hogs to pass back and forth between the two areas. My sister's job was to guard that opening and make sure no market-sized hogs got away into the cattle yard. About 15 minutes into the process, the hogs were pretty worked up and one of the larger ones made a beeline for the opening. My sister held her ground, screaming at the hog for all she was worth.

The hog went right between her legs, carrying her backwards, until she hit the fence. The hog went on through and she fell to the ground, completely stunned. She was wearing shorts at the time and when she stood up, discovered that not only was she covered in manure, but that the hog's rough bristles had removed most of the skin from the inside of both her thighs! We all got a good laugh at her expense and she, in turn, walked funny for about a week! - an old Iowa farm kid.

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When I was 16 my older sister and her husband visited our farm and planned to stay the night. Because there was only my bedroom for them to use, I offered to sleep in the barn. I had a date that night with a farm boy and when he brought me home he walked me to the electric fence so I could go to the barn. After I walked through he reconnected the electric fence. He then leaned forward to give me a goodnight kiss. As I leaned forward to meet his lips I accidentally placed my hand on the fence just as our lips met. This poor guys nose lit up like a flashlight. The next day in school he explained to his friends why his nose was so red and I was forever after referred to as "Hotlips". Shirley