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Joke stolen from: FarmJokes.com

Classic Country Song Countdown:

25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye. 24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure. 23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling. 21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even. 20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You. 19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well. 18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better. 17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win. 16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight. 15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here 14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin 'Over You. 13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You. 12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now. 11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head). 10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You. 9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him. 8. Please Bypass This Heart. 7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger. 6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat. 5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. 4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me. 3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles. 2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.

And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...

1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

Joke stolen from: FarmJokes.com

Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

1. Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. 2. Stop exercising. Waste of time. 3. Read less. Makes you think. 4. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. 5. Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. 6. Not date any of the Baywatch cast. 7. Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1. 8. Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine. 9. Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did. 10. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. 11. Not have eight children at once. 12. Get in a whole NEW rut! 13. Start being superstitious. 14. Personal goal: bring back disco. 15. Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura. 16. Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings. 17. Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. 18. Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. 19. Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords. 20. Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.

This will keep you feeling like you can keep those "nasty" New Year's resolution. Have a great day!

Joke stolen from: FarmJokes.com

The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap.

Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "What do you want for Christmas?"Something for my mother, please." said the young lady.

"Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her? "Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!"

Joke stolen from: FarmJokes.com

An unusual excuse for missing work:

The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

Joke stolen from: FarmJokes.com

"Yes, I came face to face with a lion once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a gun."What did you do?"What could I do? First, I tried looking straight into his eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer. I had to think fast."How did you get away?"I just left him and passed on to another cage."