Firesong's Funnies

Joke stolen from: Firesong's Funnies

Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up an attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with the ashes and broken vase pieces scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm... oh! I, can't... I didn't mean to..." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal-Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes!" "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on."

Joke stolen from: Firesong's Funnies

My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic. One morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up in his 18-wheeler singing and whistling. A passenger in a nearby car, frustrated by the delay, yelled up at my brother, "What are you so happy about?" "I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.

Joke stolen from: Firesong's Funnies

I WAS taking my mother for a drive, and she'd scold me whenever I went over the speed limit. Unfortunately I dismissed her advice, and a state trooper pulled me over and issued a ticket. As my mother and I continued on our way, I complained that he should have let me off with a warning. "Joan," she said, "I gave you the warning. He gave you the ticket." --Contributed to "Life In These United States" by Joan Vernon

Joke stolen from: Firesong's Funnies

For our flight to the Far East, my wife and I checked in at the Korean Air counter at Los Angeles International Airport. As the smiling Korean woman processed our tickets, my wife asked, "Are they good seats?" "They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your com- panion will be seated beside a beautiful lady."

Joke stolen from: Firesong's Funnies

IT WAS my first out-of-state weekend training as a new ensign in the Naval Reserve Nurse Corps. Our units were traveling by plane and, as officer in charge, I wanted things to go smoothly. Inclement weather had made the floor in the airport lobby slippery. When I stood up to brief my units, my left shoe went out from under me, and, in trying to regain my balance, I tripped over an elderly woman's overnight bag. I fell flat on my back with my feet in the air. Two chief petty officers rushed to help me up, but my embarrassment wasn't complete until the woman, looking at my dress-blue uniform, asked in amazement, "Are you the stewardess?" --Contributed to "Humor In Uniform" by Lt.(JG) Susan Cooper Labhard