Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

Joke stolen from: Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

An Italian man, relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. He invited her back to his apartment, and after some small talk they made love. After a pleasant interlude, and, at what seemed to him to be the appropriate time, he stretched, asked with a smile, "So... you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No."

Pleasantly surprised, the young man reached for her and had his way with her again. This time she's wild, thrashing about on the bed and climaxing with screams of passion.

Again, the young man smiles, and asks, "You finish?"

And again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and says "No."

Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for his date. It takes all of his strength and he barely manages to do it, but they climax simultaneously, screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping bed sheets. It's dawn by then, and, entirely spent, the exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks, "You finish!?"

"No!" she shouts back. "Swedish!"

Joke stolen from: Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

St Peter is standing at Heaven's gate when a man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."

"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."

A few moments later a second man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."

"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."

A few moments later a third man walks up.

"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"

"I was a policeman," he responded.

"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.

"I was an Air Force Security Policeman, sir."

"Excellent my son... I've gotta take a pee, watch the gate, will ya?"

Joke stolen from: Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

A couple of F-15's are escorting a C-130 Hercules, and their pilots are chatting with the pilot of the transport to pass the time. Talk comes around to the relative merits of their respective aircraft.

The fighter pilots contend that their airplanes were better because of their superior speed, maneuverability, weaponry, and so forth, and pointed out the Hercules deficiencies in these areas.

After taking this for a while, the C-130 pilot says, "Oh yeah? Well, I can do a few things in this old girl that you'd only dream about."

Naturally, the fighter pilots challenge him to demonstrate.

"Just watch," comes the quick retort.

And so they watch. But all they see is that C-130 continuing to fly straight and level.

After several minutes the Hercules pilot comes back on the air, saying "There! How was that?"

Not having seen anything, the fighter pilots reply, "What are you talking about? What did you do?"

And the Hercules pilot replies, "Well, I got up, stretched my legs, got a cup of coffee, then went into the back and took a leak."

Joke stolen from: Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

January 2000

Love my new job here in Silicon Valley. My salary is 30% higher! I have stock options! The temperature outside is 65F in winter! California is the best place on earth!!! Sure glad I moved out here.

February

Still looking for an apartment. Freeways everywhere to take you places. Love California!

March

Found a 1-bedroom apartment for $1900/mo. California is a bit more expensive than I thought.

April

Gas hit $2.29/gal. Somebody stole the gas from my car. That sucks....

May

A small earthquake! And this is what everyone was so worried about? Almost didn't feel it.

June

A forest fire and a mud slide near LA. Who cares, that is far away from me!

July

A big earthquake... Spent 4 hours in my bathtub. Boy, that was scary. Glad we didn't have no stinking earthquakes where I grew up.

August

Drought! They turn on the water once a day. This sucks big time! Somebody stole the water from my car's radiator. Why did I come to California?

September

Decided to buy a house. Found a 2-bedroom fixer-upper for $800K. Borrowed against my stock options for down payment. Freeway traffic is worse. Today it took nearly two hours to get to and from work...each way.

October

My startup fired 90% of the work force, including me. The stock lost 98% of its value. My options are underwater.

November

Had to sell my house. Couldn't make the payments. Found a studio apartment for $2300/mo. The traffic is unbearable

December

Problems with electricity. They turn the electricity off several times a day. It's called "rolling blackouts." Somebody stole my car battery...what do I do now?

January 2001

I'm typing this, stuck in an elevator, in complete darkness. The battery of my laptop is dying. Silicon Valley is no more. Angry hordes of former dot-commers are looting in the dark. It was fun while it lasted.

I'm coming back home tomorrow.

Joke stolen from: Gagler's Joke-of-the-Day Service

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in saw all the colored eggs, then storms outside and beats the shit out of the peacock.