Joann

Joke stolen from: Joann

SONGS FROM THE HOSPITAL "HIT PARADE"

* I'll be Sewing You.

* Red Cells in the Sunset.

* It's Spleen a Long, Long Time.

* It Had to Be Flu.

* On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma.

* Gonna Take a Sentimental Gurney.

* The Staphs and Streps Forever.

* Old Man's Liver.

* I've Grown Accustomed to Her Brace.

* The Girl From Emphysema.

* MRI Blue?

* My Melancolicky Baby

Joke stolen from: Joann

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

Joke stolen from: Joann

This week in Amsterdam, a pharmacy is opening that will sell nothing but medical marijuana. Which is great because up until now you could only buy pot in Amsterdam at cafes, gas stations, and churches. - Conan O'Brien

Joke stolen from: Joann

Father Guffy roared from the pulpit to his parishioners: "The drink has killed millions-- it rots their stomachs and they die in agony. Smoking has killed millions--it coats your lungs and you die in agony. Overeating and consorting with loose women have also killed millions..."

" S'cuse me, Father," hollered Reagan from the back, "but what is it that kills the people who live right?

Joke stolen from: Joann

Sheldon, a butcher just out of trade school in Canada applies for and gets a job, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. The first project he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer. Sheldon finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and marking them carefully with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc, etc. When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is still left with a pile of unidentifiable moose parts. At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all into one large bag and labels them.........."Moosellaneous."