Joke Zone

Joke stolen from: Joke Zone

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's not a big deal in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

Joke stolen from: Joke Zone

As John and Jill parked in a crowded lovers lane, Jill sighed romantically: "Its lovely out here tonight just listen to the crickets." "Those aren't crickets, " John replied. "They're zippers."

Joke stolen from: Joke Zone

*Strange 911 Calls* ( real strange )

A call came into 911 Emergency because two couples were going to share a hotel room and there weren't enough towels.

A man called 911 and said: "Please connect me to Switzerland."

A lady called 911 because of a fight going on in a parking lot. When asked to describe the combatants, she said: "I'll try. There's one man, and he's dressed like Elvis. He's kicking another man who's laying on the ground and screaming 'You Ainta nothing but a hound dog.'"

Another person called to report he had the hiccups.

A thirteen-year-old boy called to report he had "stuff" coming from his navel. Paramedics examined the boy and all they found was belly-button lint.

A male complainant called and requested police call gas stations on all exits of I-95 to find out which ones were open.

A woman called emergency to report she had seen a wild mouse in her house.

Someone called 911 to report the parrot got out of his cage and is in a tree outside.

A man broke up with his girlfriend and wanted police to go by her house and report to him the owners of any cars, other than hers, in her driveway.

A man called to report he had a roach stuck in his ear.

Joke stolen from: Joke Zone

A ten-year-old boy and his mother were waiting in a dentist's office; discussing possible treatments for his painful tooth.

Entering the room, the dentist asked, "Well, son, which one's the troublemaker?"

Without hesitation, the boy replied, "My brother!"

Joke stolen from: Joke Zone

In my job as an electronics salesman, I've seen the rise in popularity of sport-utility vehicles and mini-vans. This has created a market for rear-seat entertainment. Monitors that keep passengers occupied with movies and television have been selling like crazy.

One day, as I was showing a young couple how a monitor could play videos, DVD's, and even pick up local TV stations, the husband asked matter-of-factly, "Does it get cable?"