Jokes 'N' Stuff

Joke stolen from: Jokes 'N' Stuff

Q. "Are you married?"

A. "No, I'm divorced."

Q. "And what did your husband do before you divorced him?"

A. "A lot of things I didn't know about."

Joke stolen from: Jokes 'N' Stuff

The other day a friend and I were walking through downtown, when I noticed a shiny, hot, red Ferrari parked in front of an upscale business. As we drew near, I could see what looked like a man just in front of this luxury car.

As we came closer, I saw it was an unshaven and disheveled street person, whose garb and demeanor clashed with the surrounding opulence. As I fixed my gaze upon him, he held up a handmade sign that read, "Need gas to get home."

We both laughed so hard at his innovation that we had to give him some money. It was worth it for the humor he brought to our day.

Joke stolen from: Jokes 'N' Stuff

A fellow turned to a woman sitting beside him in a bar and said "Drinking makes you look beautiful, darling."

She looked a little surprised and answered, "but I haven't had a drink yet."

He smiled and said, "no, but I have!"

Joke stolen from: Jokes 'N' Stuff

Passenger in 1st Class, to a Sexy Gorgeous Air Hostess: What is your name?

Hostess: Angela Benz, Sir!

Passenger: Lovely name, any relation with Mercedes Benz?

Hostess: "Yes Sir, same price.

Joke stolen from: Jokes 'N' Stuff


During a recent robbery in Hong Kong, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank:

"Don't move. The money belongs to the Government. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept" Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her:

"Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional" Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."

The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience". Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank".

This is called "Swim with the tide". Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."

This is called "Changing priority". Personal Happiness is more important than your job".

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million.

The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity". Daring to take risks!