Jokes Uncut

Joke stolen from: Jokes Uncut

LETTERS DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER:

Dear Abby,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle- aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into, or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?

Dear Abby,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I seen it. Now how do I get out?

Dear Abby,

My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50. an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy.

Dear Abby,

I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby,

My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.

Dear Abby,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor. Now what do I do?

Joke stolen from: Jokes Uncut

"I'm telling you, Carol, I've never been happier, " Betty told her friend. "I have two boyfriends. One is just fabulous...handsome,sensitive, caring and considerate."

What in the world do you need the second one for?" Carol asked?"

"Oh," Betty replied, "the second one is straight."

Joke stolen from: Jokes Uncut

The bride-to-be and her best friend were discussing her impending wedding.

"If you want an unforgettable wedding night," her friend said, "get him to eat a dozen oysters after the ceremony."

A week after, the new bride thanked her friend but said plaintively, "Only eight of the oysters worked."

Joke stolen from: Jokes Uncut

I read a book called The Secret Life of Adolf Hitler. It told me things that I never knew. For instance, when Hitler was having sex he liked to pee on people. That put me right off him.

Joke stolen from: Jokes Uncut

Back in the Cold War days, Ivan was a diplomat and spy. He was new to the USA and lived in Washington, D.C. for past six months. He soon complained to Boris, his aide, that he needed a woman.

Boris dropped off a high-priced hooker at his door the following Saturday night. Ivan plied her with some vodka and caviar. As she took her top, he noticed that her armpits were shaved. He said, pointing top his own pits, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

She responded, "It's customary and fashionable to shave our underarms."

They drank more vodka and ate more caviar. She removed her slacks. He noticed that her legs are shaved also. He repeated, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

Once more, she said, "It's customary and fashionable to shave our legs."

After more vodka and caviar, he pulled down her panties and saw that her privates were trimmed. He exclaimed again, "Vomen in the old country have wool - they have wool!"

She then asked in loud voice, "Look buddy, did you want to screw or knit?"