King of all Jokes

Joke stolen from: King of all Jokes

The pope was on holiday in South Africa and he was walking down by the pier when he noticed a black man in the water, thrashing his arms around and screaming, then the pose noticed that the black guy had a rope around him and he was being pulled in by two south African fishermen.

The pope threw his arms to up in the air and said, "Praise be to god, that in the most racially tense country in the world i find two white men saving a drowning black man"!, and with that he walks away with a smile on his face.

The first fisherman turns to the second and say's, "Who was that Hans"? "I don't know mate, but he doesn't know shit about shark fishing".

Joke stolen from: King of all Jokes

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

- Steven Wright -

Joke stolen from: King of all Jokes

Two gay guys are taking a shower when the phone rings. The first guy says, "I'll get it, but don't come, DON'T COME!"

He answers the phone, and when he comes back there's sperm everywhere. He says, 'I told you not to come!"

The other guy says, "I didn't come, I farted."

Joke stolen from: King of all Jokes

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

- Steven Wright -

There is about as much water on Earth now as there was three billion years ago. But while the amount of water has remained static, the amount of tequila and Triple Sec available for the making of Margaritas has expanded enormously. So you see, we have made progress after all.

Joke stolen from: King of all Jokes

* TOP 15 Mafia Valentines *

15. My love for you... it came and went. So your feet are now in wet cement.

14. I'm here to fulfill your fondest wishes -- Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.

13. Lie down with me -- It's my final offa, Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.

12. I picked up this card from a slim selection, But that's all they offer in witness protection. Love, J. Doe

11. I've waited so long for you to be mine! Now that Sinatra's dead, be *my* Valentine.

10. Be my Valentine ... and we can do it execution-style.

9. Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass. So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.

8. Violets are blue, roses are red. I blew up your car So why ain't you dead?

7. The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look, You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!

6. Hey.

5. Youse da greatest. Youse da best. But you're untouchable Like Elliot Ness.

4. Lust is fleeting, True love lingers. Be mine always And you'll keep your fingers.

3. Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart looks like.

2. Valentine, Dear, lend me a hand, So I won't be a self-made man.

& The Number 1 Mafia Valentine's Day Greeting...

1. When a goon makes you die, cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!