Laura's Smaller Funnies

Joke stolen from: Laura's Smaller Funnies

Q:What do you get when you cross a Cabbagepatch doll with the Pillsberry dough boy?

A: A short ugly chick with a yeast infection.

Joke stolen from: Laura's Smaller Funnies

Some of the artists from the 60's are re-releasing their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us...good news, for those feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes...

Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker"

The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

The Temptations - "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone"

Ringo Starr - "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends"

Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"

Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade Of Hair"

Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

ABBA - "Denture Queen"

Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"

Roberta Flack - "The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"

Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom"

Rolling Stones - "You Can't Always Pee When You Want"

Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash

Joke stolen from: Laura's Smaller Funnies

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.

A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself." "You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe. "

Joke stolen from: Laura's Smaller Funnies

Triplets...

Three babies are in their mothers womb. One of them says, I want to be an artist, so everyone will know what it looks like in here.

The next one says, I want to be an Olympic swimmer because I get so much practice in here.

Then the last baby says, I'm going to be a hunter, because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again I'm gonna chop that damned thing in half!

Joke stolen from: Laura's Smaller Funnies

Two kids playing in a lane found a donkey who had died with a hard on. Being the mischievous kind of boys, they cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air.

Just then, a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane, and the boys not wanting to be caught with it, tossed it over the wall of the Nunnery.

Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes. "Oh sweet Jesus," says Sister Agnes.

"What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet."

"It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies. "They have murdered Father O'Toole!"