Margo's Place

Joke stolen from: Margo's Place

Police Officer O'Leary is cruising around in his patrol car one night.

He is on the lookout for trouble. He sees two little old ladies in the front seat of a Chevrolet convertible, parked in "Honest John's" used car lot. The car lot is closed, so O'Leary drives up alongside the Chevy and asks, "Are you two ladies trying to steal this car?"

"Certainly not," says one of the ladies, "we purchased the car this afternoon."

"Well," says the cop, "why don't you start it up and drive out of here?"

"We don't drive," replies the other little old lady.

"And besides we are waiting. We were told that if we bought a car here we would get screwed."

Joke stolen from: Margo's Place

In our local department store, a salesperson was waiting on a young woman whose recent wedding we had both attended.

The new bride asked to see twin-bed sheets. The clerk bit her lip as she rummaged through the packages on the shelf. Finally she burst out, "It's none of my business, but twin beds? You're practically still on your honeymoon!"

It was the saleswoman's turn to blush as the bride picked out one package of sheets. "You're taking it for granted that we have two twin beds," she replied.

Joke stolen from: Margo's Place

Drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me, but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?'"

The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, I don't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'"

"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, " I think I just wiped my ass with your parrot."

Joke stolen from: Margo's Place

It was mealtime during a trip on a small airline in the Northwest.

"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in coach. "What are my choices?" he asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

Joke stolen from: Margo's Place

Signs You Are A Lead Footed Driver

- You are the first person to be put on the FBI's most wanted list just for speeding.

- Your friends car pool with you, not to save gas, but to save time.

- You need three states just to go on a joy ride.

- You have a suspended drivers license in all 50 states.

- When you stop, you leave a mile long skid mark.

- You married your wife because she had a corvette.

- Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is even faster".

- You get blisters from your gas pedal.

- Your car won't start unless it has 110 octane gas in it.

- You get pulled over, even when you're not speeding, just to get a warning not to speed.

- You always leave at the last minute...but you are never late.

- Your friends leave an hour before you do just so you can meet them at the same time.

- You don't just wear a seatbelt...you wear a crash helmet.

- Your speed gauge is stuck in the max speed position.

- You can go through three drive throughs at the same time.

- There is a radar detector named after you.