Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

Joke stolen from: Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

Two farmers at the feed store were discussing the local election for tax collector.

One of the candidates was named Harkins, who was also the operator of the drawbridge over the local river.

"You gonna vote for Harkins?" the first farmer asked.

"No, I don't think so," the other replied.

"Why not?" the first farmer asked.

"Well, you remember that prize bull I used to have? One day I looked in the barn and there's that bull lying down actin' strange. So I asked the vet and he gave me some medicine, and he said it had to be put in the bull's rectum.

"I took the medicine home but I couldn't find a funnel. So I seen this old army bugle hangin' on a nail in the barn and I used that.

"Only problem was that before I could get that bugle out, my bull passed some gas and made a loud toot on that bugle.

"Well sir, that scairt my bull somethin' awful and he busted out of the stall, made another toot, then busted through the fence and went runnin' down the road.

"He went down the road, runnin' and tootin' towards the bridge that Harkins runs. That fool old man opened the bridge, and my bull ran across it, fell in the river and drowned.

"Now," the farmer said, "Do you think I could vote for a man that's run that bridge for years but don't know the difference between a boat whistle and a bull blowin' a bugle out his ass?"

Joke stolen from: Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant."

"How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent."

"I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."

Joke stolen from: Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy staring in at him.

"Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.

"It sure is," he replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

Joke stolen from: Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

A friend and her young son, Reid, were browsing in a large bookstore. Engrossed in making a selection, my friend had lost sight of her child.

"Reid!" she called out, racing through the aisles. "Reid!"

Just as she spotted the boy, she bumped into another customer. "Pardon me, ma'am," he said, "but most folks come here because they already like to read. No sense in wasting your time trying to convince them."

Joke stolen from: Ms Kitty's Daily Mews/Litter Box Mews

Saw this blonde one time in a bar sitting all alone. We had each had three drinks, and I had always thought that men had a much higher tolerance for alcohol than women. I waited until I caught her eye, then asked, "How many drinks does it take to make you dizzy?"

She frowned, gave me quite the dirty look, and said, "Oh, usually about four or five...and...Don't call me 'dizzy'!!!"