One Bad Day

Joke stolen from: One Bad Day

David went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude picture."

The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about that. It's probably, just an expression of her interest in art. What was the nude picture for?"

David said, "Her driver's license."

Joke stolen from: One Bad Day

For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

Joke stolen from: One Bad Day

A short quiz & some observations...

Do you know who, in 1923 was: 1. President of the largest steel company?

2. President of the largest gas company?

3. President of the New York Stock Exchange?

4. Greatest wheat speculator?

5. President of the Bank International Settlement?

6. Great Bear of Wall Street?

These men should have been considered some of the world's most successful men. At least, they found the secret of making money. Now almost 80 years later, do you know what became of these men?

1. The president of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.

2. The president of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, went insane.

3. The president of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.

4. The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.

5. The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.

6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Livermore, committed suicide.

In that same year, 1923, the winner of the most important golf championship, Gene Sarazan, won both the US Open and PGA Championship. He died in 1999 at the age of 95, played golf until he was 92, and was financially solvent at his death.

Conclusion: Stop worrying about business and other bullshit and start playing golf.

Joke stolen from: One Bad Day

A fifty-eight year old L.A. man placed a personal add in the paper. He was seeking a session with another man for discipline and pleasure. He finally got an answer to his ad and he set up a date at his home. The doorbell rang and his date was standing there ready to dominate the man just like he wished. The date immediately took charge forcing the L.A. man to crawl through his house to his bondage room. He told the man to strip and allow himself to be tied up, nude on the bed. Then the date had his own fun, he left the man tied up in his bedroom and proceeded to steal his sofa, leather chair, television set and stereo system.

Joke stolen from: One Bad Day

Humor: Reply to Virus Creator This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

A FRIENDLY REPLY TO THE SIRCAM VIRUS CREATOR

I've recently received dozens of emails carrying the notorious Sircam computer virus. The message is always the same: "Hi! How are you? I send you this file in order to have your advice. See you later. Thanks." Well, here's my friendly reply to the virus creator:

>Hi! How are you?

Since you asked so politely, let me be frank and say that I'm angry, incensed, furious, livid, mad, outraged, exasperated, and just plain pissed off. I'm so pissed off, I want to hunt you down, remove your tiny brain and feed it to my pet alligator. I can already picture the newspaper headline: "VIRUS CREATOR'S BRAIN FINALLY PUT TO GOOD USE."

>I send you this file in order to have your advice.

Here's my advice: Delete it immediately, because it stinks. You should be ashamed of yourself, sending such shoddy work around. It doesn't deserve to be displayed on a cow's backside. I've seen better work from my neighbor's 9-month-old baby, but thankfully he usually keeps it in his diaper. If this is your best work, I feel sorry for you, because you have as much chance of success as a swimsuit model in Afghanistan.

>See you later.

You may see me later, but only for the few seconds it takes me to gouge your eyes out! Let's see how many viruses you create then. And forget about passing your bad habits to others: As everyone knows, it's hard to teach without pupils.

>Thanks.

I'd like to say you're welcome, but I want to be honest: you're as welcome as Yasser Arafat in Israel. You're as welcome as an Outback Steakhouse in India. You're as welcome as a lie detector in Congress. You're as welcome as a Hyundai dealership in Beverly Hills. You're as welcome as a destructive virus in my computer. Do you get the picture?

Sincerely not,

Melvin Durai Writer / Humorist http://melvindurai.com

---------------------------------------------------------- (c) Copyright 2001 Melvin Durai. All Rights Reserved.