Robs Really Funny Jokes

Joke stolen from: Robs Really Funny Jokes

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

Joke stolen from: Robs Really Funny Jokes

I'd love to say this is one of mine, but it was a cow-orker who took it (we work at a cable TV/phone company)

C= Customer F= Fred (name changed to protect innocent)

C: I'm going to sue your company! F: What seems to be the problem, sir? C: You've cut off my phone! F: Well, if you could just give me your account number, I'll have a look at that for you now. C: OK, it's xxxxxxxxxx F: OK then, sir, it seems that your phone has been disconnected for non-payment. C: Yes, that's fair enough, but you've disconnected my fridge too!

To this day, I still wonder how this guy thought we could turn his fridge off from the phone exchange.

Another from

Joke stolen from: Robs Really Funny Jokes

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden knew that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.

One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large countertop. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him.

To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

"But you're an expert, Andy, and I really need your help," said the warden.

"Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

Joke stolen from: Robs Really Funny Jokes

This hails back to the late '80s, when I was a computer operator on a Unisys mainframe. Our Field Engineer told me about an incident that had happened to him a couple of years before that.

He was doing preventive maintenance on a high-speed band printer and was doing the alignment test print, which basically just prints a page full of "H"s, since that was the best letter to see if the rows and columns were lined up properly.

The lady in charge of the office came by and asked why he was using all "H"s. He decided to have some fun with her, so he told her that they use that letter because they are the least used letter of the alphabet, so there's always plenty of "H"s in the printer that they can use. She said "OK" and walked away.

About a half hour later, she came back with a stack of print in her hand. She had gone through the printouts and circled every "H". She said, "We seem to use a lot of "H"s here, are you sure we'll have enough left?"

Without missing a beat, the tech answered, "It's ok, I've got a box of them in my car. I'll refill it before I leave."

When he finished working on the printer, he went out to his car, grabbed an empty paper box he had, brought it in and pretended to dump it out inside the printer. Then he closed the printer and told her she should have plenty of "H"s now. She thanked him, and he left!

Joke stolen from: Robs Really Funny Jokes

A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, "Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit."

After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, "You do appear to have a problem. I'd like to see you again next Wednesday."

After a second session of psychotherapy, the psychiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.

For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the man a monthly statement for his professional services, but the man wouldn't pay and refused to acknowledge the debt.

Finally, the psychiatrist took the man to court and had him repossessed.