Stolen Jokes

Joke stolen from: Stolen Jokes

A man goes into a pharmacy. He says to the druggist: "I need some birth control for my sixteen-year-old daughter." "Is your little girl sexually active?" asks the druggist. "Nah, she just lays there like her mother."

Joke stolen from: Stolen Jokes

During Clinton's interview with the grand jury, the prosecutor held up a picture of Monica and asked the president if he had ever seen this woman. Bill Clinton replied "I think I've come across her face a couple of times"

Joke stolen from: Stolen Jokes

I went to a dinner party last night, where I, and other guests, enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc. From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the neighborhoods of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down. However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately take some Nurofen. [Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu]. Others are reporting that a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. And I am adding that copious amounts of chocolate works wonders. Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period. If not, then further application of the original liquid in similar quantities to the original dose has been shown to do the trick.

Joke stolen from: Stolen Jokes

Did you hear about Adolph, the brown-nosed reindeer? He could run as fast as Rudolph, he just couldn't stop as fast.

Joke stolen from: Stolen Jokes

Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down Towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and Barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view. "That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked. "Sure," responded Bob, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks Flew in and landed on the pond. "I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5,000 and all of My hunting dogs." They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his Wife. Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill Said, "How many ducks are there boy?" The dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a stick, Shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Bob gypped the hell out of You," his wife said. "You are such a fool." Bill protested, "But I saw it work, let me try again. How many ducks Are there boy?" Again the dog raced off, came back, humped his wife's leg, grabbed a Stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder. "Well, shit" Bill Said, "This dog is useless." In a fit of rage he shot the dog. Then, after shooting the dog, he went back and told the story to Bob. After hearing that Bill had killed the dog, Bob cried "YOU IDIOT. That Dog was telling you that there were more ducks than you could fucking Shake a stick at ."