Joke stolen from: SydesJokes

It was Sunday afternoon, and Pat and Mick were bored. "Let's go to the pictures," said Mick, "we could see Moby Dick."

"I don't like them R-rated films,"

Pat replied. "Don't be so daft," said Mick. "It's about whales."

"That's worse," said Pat. "I can't stand them Welsh bastards!"

Joke stolen from: SydesJokes

In his attempt to put a new patient at ease during a checkup, my friend, a gynecologist, struck up a casual conversation.

After noticing the label on her sandals read "Hecho en Mexico," he asked his patient, "So when were you in Mexico?"

Flabbergasted, the patient asked, "You can tell all that from a pelvic exam?"

Joke stolen from: SydesJokes

Winters are fierce in Northern Scotland, so the owner of the estate felt he was doing a good deed when he bought a pair of earmuffs for his foreman. One cold, blustery day, he noticed that the foreman wasn't wearing them. In fact, he couldn't recall a time he'd ever seen the man wear the earmuffs. Walking up to his foreman, he asked, "Didn't you like the earmuffs I gave you?"

"Oh, they were a thing of beauty and kept my ears nice and toasty warm!"

"Then why aren't you wearing them?"

"Well, I did wear them that first cold day, but then, someone offered me a drink and I didn't hear him!"

Joke stolen from: SydesJokes

Q: What did the sign over the entrance door to Planned Parenthood say?

A: Thank you for not coming.

Joke stolen from: SydesJokes

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."