Joke stolen from: Teen-Jokes

A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seven long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old lady died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years."

His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma! she cried. I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"

Joke stolen from: Teen-Jokes

While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash.

A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes.

Suddenly, I felt a stinging pain in my hand. There was a small cut from the scattered debris.

I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Attacked by a flying saucer," I replied.

Joke stolen from: Teen-Jokes

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old.

Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.

"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"Yes, that's right," I told her.

"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"

Joke stolen from: Teen-Jokes

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter's strange eating habits.

"All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax.

What will happen to her, doctor?," the mother inquired.

"Eventually," said the doctor, "she will rise and shine!"

Joke stolen from: Teen-Jokes

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.

Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.

A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.

Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.

Before reaching the door, the bartender yells - "Hey Pig ...aren't you going to pee on the floor like the others?"To which the pig replies - "No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE - all the way home!"