The Daily Dose

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS, ESPECIALLY IN A DROUGHT

June 9, 1991

For five years souther California has had either no rain or not enough rain, and so it ad to put restrictions on the use of water. The Los Angeles water department asked people to cut down their use of water by 15 percent.

They responded splendidly. They cut back by 30 percent.

The water department said "Hold on, that's too much!" With the use of water dropping by 30 percent, the department wasn't collecting enough in water bills to pay for its operations, and has gone $13 million in the hole. So the department says it can't afford to have people saving this much water and if they keep it up it will have to raise its rates. Crazy, yes. But there it is.

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Don Regan, who served as Secretary of the Treasury and Chief of Staff in the Reagan administration, earned a reputation for arrogance.

He might have survived longer in Washington had he been able to poke fun at himself more often, like he did when he said, "I'm not arrogant. I just believe there's no human problem that couldn't be solved -- if people would simply do as I tell 'em."

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

In her memoirs, Barbara Bush described one of those most embarrassing moments that inevitably occur, even on the most carefully advanced of foreign trips. Along with her husband, then the Vice President, Mrs. Bush was lunching with Emperor Hirohito at Tokyo's Imperial Palace.

Sitting next to the Emperor, Mrs. Bush found the conversation an uphill task. To all her efforts at verbal engagement, the Emperor would smile and say "Yes" or "No," with an occasional "Thank You" tossed in for good measure.

Looking around her elegant surroundings, she complimented Hirohito on his official residence.

"Thank you," he said.

"Is it new?" pressed Mrs. Bush.

"Yes."

"Was the old palace just so old that it was falling down?" asked the intrepid visitor.

In his most charming, yet regal, matter, Hirohito replied, "No, I'm afraid that you bombed it."

Mrs. Bush turned to her other lunch partner.

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

"Scour is but the latest in a littany of would-be successes who made all the classic business mistakes. And now, with a premature evacuation, they join the dead-coms." -- The Ombudsmen

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Rescue Anne, to practice.

My group's model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case.

The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.

Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"