The Daily Dose

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Once when I was a teen-ager, I was walking with my mother on a winter day. It was quite cold but (knock wood) low temperatures don't bother me much, and as i my custom, I had left my overcoat unbuttoned.

My mother, obviously uncomfortable, finally said sharply, "Button your coat, Isaac; I'm freezing."

As you can imagine, I was unable to convince my mother she had said anything funny.

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused.

"You," he called. "You there."

The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it."

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. - 21-year-old Carl Lee Reese's luck went from bad to worse when he carjacked a Lexus belonging to Paul Brite, 53.

Brite was confronted by the gunman at a carwash and forced to climb into his own trunk.

Reese drove off, but pulled to the side of the road a short while later fearing Brite had a cellular phone with him. When he opened the trunk the victim came out brandishing two handguns that he had stored there earlier.

The kidnapper refused to comply with several commands to lie on the ground, even after a warning shot.

Brite was finally forced to shoot his attacker in the abdomen when Reese reached for his pocket.

Police said they do not plan to charge Brite.

[Who wants to bet Reese was pro gun control?]

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Cathy and I joined some friends from work for dinner. It was sort of a reunion for one of our coworkers that retired recently. After the meal we were chatting over coffee and asking how the adjustment to retired life was going.

Remembering his passion for skiing, I asked if he had been skiing recently.

"No Rodney, I had to give up skiing." he answered.

Shocked I asked "Why, did you have an injury?"

"No, that's not it."

"Then why did you give up skiing? Are you afraid of getting hurt?"

"Well, now I am," he responded. "Before I could hobble into work with a cast or two and still do my job, but now I'd be messing up my golf game!"

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

John Pierpont Morgan, the great American financier of the early part of this century, was noted, among other things, for a bulbous red nose of surpassing ugliness. He was to be entertained at the home of the American lawyer Dwight Morrow, and Mrs. Morrow was nervous over the possible behavior of her daughter Anne (who was then very young, but who was to grow up to marry the aviator, Charles A. Lindbergh.)

"Remember, Anne," Mrs. Morrow kept saying, "you must not say one word about Mr. Morgan's nose. You must not even look at it very much."

Anne promised, but when Mr. Morgan arrived, her mother watched and waited tensely. Anne was as good gold but Mrs. Morrow dared not relax. Turning to the financier with a gracious smile, she prepared to pour tea and said, "Will you have one or two lumps in your nose, Mr. Morgan?"