The Daily Dose

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

A college dean was berating a veteran economics professor for having used the same tests for the past 35 years.

"Don't you realize, professor, that the students have been sharing these tests for decades and that all of your students know EXACTLY what's on the test before they sit for it?"

"Doesn't matter," replied the professor. "You must realize that the subject is economics. The answers are different each year!"

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

All airmen going through basic training at Lackland Air Force Base in California are urged to write frequent letters home. But they don't always do so.

One such aurman had to be called into the commander's office when this letter was received from his mother:

"Dear Sir:

I have not heard from my son for three weeks. If he is dead, please send his body to Route 1, Hugo, Oklahoma 74743."

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Army First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career.

"I did 30 years in the Rangers," the SFC declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade.

As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.

Finally, as a Staff Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at night. In afire fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, figures... all shore duty."

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

A young man is reported to have approached the renowned composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (one of the great musical prodigies of all time), and asked, "Herr Mozart, I have the ambition to write symphonies and perhaps you can advise me how to get started."

Mozart said, "The best advice I can give you is to wait until you are older and more experienced, and try your hand at less ambitious pieces to begin with."

The young man looked astonished. "But, Herr Mozart, you yourself wrote symphonies when you were considerably younger than I."

"Ah," said Mozart, "but I did so without asking advice."

Joke stolen from: The Daily Dose

Jill was complaining to Amy that her husband a great tosser and turner, was forever squeezing her on to the edge of the bed or rolling over and taking the blankets.

Amy said that she never had a problem with her husband the motorcycle cop. "He just falls asleep on his side and stays there all night."

"How does he do that?" Jill asked.

Amy replies, "He has a built in kick stand."