The Joke Doctor

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

"I'm a locksmith and get called out for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her keys in her truck. She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way. Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck (but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,) I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck. As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked across at the driver door and noticed... it was unlocked. Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for her.

'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock the driver's door from the passenger side.'" --David

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

"Once while working in the sound booth of a television studio, we were rewinding a tape of a flag raising; The playback was on the monitors in reverse so our 'airhead' asks why they were taking down the flag!" --Lee B.

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

By no means am I trying to make fun of prayer. I just thought it was a cute little kid remark.

A little boy went to dine with his parents at the home of an elderly gentleman.

After watching the old man bow his head and speak in a soft voice, the boy asked his mother:

"What did Mr. Smith say to his plate?"

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

"In a phone conversation with an account manager late one evening, I was obtaining a breakdown of an account. The lady listed... 34.95, 502.97, 37.75, 973.04. But as she was reading off the numbers, I was hearing electronic tones through my receiver, as if someone had picked up an extension phone and started dialing. I looked around the room to our other phone but no one was at that phone. Suddenly, the account manager burst out laughing. When she could at last speak clearly again, she said, 'I'm so sorry! I was wondering why my telephone wouldn't ring up that total.'" --Anthony W.

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy: GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: 'BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE

TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY

Jewish Journal: NU, SO WE'VE HAD WORSE PROBLEMS