The Joke Doctor

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

* Richard W. Miller Jr., 35, wanted in Utica, N.Y., for arson, was captured by U.S. Marshals in Arizona in February. According to one of the arresting Marshals, he asked the suspect if he was Richard Miller. The suspect said no. The Marshal said they would have to fingerprint him anyway, and they did, and at the bottom of the fingerprint card, on the signature line, the suspect very helpfully signed his real name, "Richard Miller."'

Joke stolen from: The Joke Doctor

*Ronnie Darnell Bell, 30, was arrested in Dallas in February and charged with attempting to rob the Federal Reserve Bank. (In the movie "Die Hard with a Vengeance," knocking off the New York FRB required a small army of men and truckloads of weapons.) According to police, Bell was initially confused because there are no tellers, so he handed a security guard his note, reading, "This is a bank robbery of the Dallas Federal Reserve Bank, of Dallas, Texas, give me all the money. Thank you, Ronnie Darnell Bell." The guard pushed a silent alarm while an oblivious Bell chatted amiably, revealing to the guard that only minutes earlier he had tried to rob a nearby Postal Service office but that "they threw me out."