Top 5 List

Joke stolen from: Top 5 List

NOTE FROM DANNY:

The first official teaser trailer for "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" has been released on Instagram.

The Top 5 Surprises in the New "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" Teaser

5> C3PO now self-identifies as a cappuccino machine.

4> Luke must summon the Force just to have a successful bowel movement.

3> Leia's wearing the slave-girl bikini again, but it's kind of hard to tell where she stops and Jabba begins.

2> Harrison Ford does his own crash landing stunts.

and HumorLabs.com's Number 1 Surprise in the New "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" Teaser...

1> A buff C3PO and totally ripped R2D2 growl, "Sure, we're the droids you're looking for...but you sorry m*****f***ers are about to wish you never found us!"

Copyright 2015 by Danny Gallagher All rights reserved.

Joke stolen from: Top 5 List

August 31, 2015

The Top 5 Least Popular Topics for "What I Did for My Summer Vacation" Essays

5> "Rolling around in hog dung wasn't my idea of a good time, but no one else seemed all that concerned about finding Grandma's teeth."

4> "And when the side of the pool burst, eight of the cats in the trailer drowned."

3> "I was going to invade the Ukraine, but I forgot I already did that *last* summer..."

2> "Two words: bovine insemination."

and HumorLabs.com's Number 1 Least Popular Topic for a "What I Did for My Summer Vacation" Essay...

1> "My planned trip to Mexico was interrupted when my referral to them as 'rapists' and 'criminals' was not well received".

Copyright 2015 by Danny Gallagher All rights reserved.

Joke stolen from: Top 5 List

NOTE FROM DANNY:

Presidential candidate Donald Trump had to return to New York City to show up for jury duty.

I know we just did this topic with President George W. Bush who also had to report for jury duty, but I just couldn't resist...

The Top 5 Overheard During Donald Trump's Jury Duty Term

5> "Juror #6 insists on seeing the court's proof of jurisdiction in exchange for $5 million to the charity of the judge's choice."

4> "And my point is that if the defendant doesn't have a hundred million dollars on him right now, then we aren't peers."

3> "Can't the defendant just declare bankruptcy and start all over with no charges against him?"

2> "No, Mr. Trump, my ruling has nothing to do with my time of the month."

and HumorLabs.com's Number 1 Overheard During Donald Trump's Jury Duty Term...

1> "'I'm really rich' is not a verdict, Mr. Trump."

Copyright 2015 by Danny Gallagher All rights reserved.

Joke stolen from: Top 5 List

August 28, 2015

NOTE FROM DANNY:

The hackers who broke into Ashley Madison's database released the account information of every one of its customers to the public.

The Top 5 Surprises in the Ashley Madison Hacker Leaks

5> 95% of the traffic on the site traceable to Tiger Woods.

4> It's used to organize family reunions in West Virginia.

3> Tom Cruise's preferences include "women."

2> The site has 30 million-plus accounts and the 17 women in the database have been very, very busy.

and HumorLabs.com's Number 1 Surprise in the Ashley Madison Hacker Leaks...

1> Of the thousands of users identified so far, practically all secretly keep an account with the site's arch-competitior, LyingSackOfSh*t.com.

Copyright 2015 by Danny Gallagher All rights reserved.

Joke stolen from: Top 5 List

NOTE FROM DANNY:

A Staten Island lawyer asked a judge if he could have a "'Game of Thrones' style trial by combat" instead of an actual trial.

The Top 5 Differences in a "Game of Thrones" Style Courtroom Trial

5> A motion for sanctions can include requests for disbarring and/or beheading.

4> The death penalty is the only sentence no matter what the crime and they still can't beat Texas' death penalty record.

3> The courtroom sketch artist is always running out of red colored pencils.

2> Based on the exposed breasts and penises, *every* jury is "hung."

and HumorLabs.com's Number 1 Difference in a "Game of Thrones" Style Courtroom Trial...

1> Readers will say that the transcript was better.

Copyright 2015 by Danny Gallagher All rights reserved.