Joke stolen from: Training2Laugh

Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room, asking where all the guests were from.

"Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me.

"Burnt Mattress!" exclaimed the instructor, suppressing a laugh. "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one. Where's it located?"

My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs."

Joke stolen from: Training2Laugh

While marking her pupil's social studies test papers, the teacher was in a quandary about the answer given by one of the third-graders. Asked to name the four major directions, he wrote: "Listen carefully. Write neatly. Sit up straight. Raise your hand."

Joke stolen from: Training2Laugh

Having immigrated to the United States as an adult, I shall never completely lose my accent. It usually doesn't bother me, but sometimes it does create confusion. Gophers were digging holes in our farmland, and I worried that our horses could break a leg in one of them. I was, therefore, quite interested in an ad I saw in our local paper: A retired serviceman was asking for permission to trap gophers on private land.

After making the arrangements, I decided to check with PACA to make sure trapping gophers was legal. I phoned and explained the situation to the gentleman, and asked if that was legal. There was a moment's silence before the gentleman asked, "Do you live next to the golf course?"

I had no idea what made him think that and answered, "No, I don't."

"Then why," he asked, "would you want to trap golfers?"

Joke stolen from: Training2Laugh

MONTPELIER, VT. (AP) -- Leaves are coming out on trees, daffodils are starting to bloom, and snow is falling in parts of Northern New England a month before the start of summer.

The National Weather Service says 3.4 inches of snow were recorded in the northern Maine town of Caribou early Monday, setting a record for the most snow this late in Spring.

Vermont's Mount Mansfield set a record with 5.6 inches of snow, beating the old record of 4 inches in 1984.

The Vermont towns of Middlesex, Hyde Park and near Pomfret got 2 inches, while the northern New Hampshire town of Pittsburg recorded 2.5 inches.

But much of the snow was short-lived. The forecast calls for temperatures to rise, with rain in northern New Hampshire and Maine.

Joke stolen from: Training2Laugh

Randy Stallsmith might have a lucky number, but it certainly isn't 22.

That's how many times the 49-year-old Erie County man has been caught driving while under license suspension.

Even though he claims the punishment is excessive, a state Superior Court panel has upheld the 3- to 6-month prison term Stallsmith is serving for offense No. 22.