Trent

Joke stolen from: Trent

A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"

The husband says,"Ohmigod! No shit?! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

The wife yells back, "It doesn't matter....just get the fuck out!

Joke stolen from: Trent

Two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an emergency call. When they walked in to the house, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

"You're right," the other deputy replied. "But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say 'it could have been worse."

"No way. You're on."

The old sheriff arrived at the scene. "No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was a double murder and suicide." After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his deputies in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, "it could have been worse."

The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff, how could it have been worse? There are three people in this house, and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been worse?"

"Yes, it could," the sheriff retorted. "You see that guy there on the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in there, in that bed!"