Joke stolen from: Whack Report

Today's true story was sent in by T. Brown ...

When my mother and my stepfather got married, I was about twelve and my mother had been single since I was very little. They sent us away to friends' houses for their honeymoon, and we returned home a few weeks later.

My first night back, glad to be in my own bed after weeks of sleeping on somebody's flea-ridden floor, I noticed some strange noises issuing from the room next to mine- my mother's room. Never having heard anything like that before, I was terrified. My mother had Asthma, and it sounded like she was gasping for air.

Then I heard my new stepfather doing something to her, and that just scared me more. I was convinced that he was killing her, and that I would wake up in the morning with no mother; if I ever woke up at all. I lay in my bed a cried all night, scared to death that he was going to kill me and my brother next.

Imagine my surprise and chagrin when, not only was my mother alive the next morning, but she looked in excellent spirits. I asked her if she was okay, and got a weird look in return. So I explained the terrifying noises I thought had been her untimely death, and she started hysterically laughing.

I know a bit more -- NOW.